Lost in a crowd.
People talking out loud.
Distant cries in my ears.
Scared? A little.
Sad? A lot.
Lonely? Always.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
A sinking feeling in my heart
Began to push it through my brain
I tried not to let it part
But it began to fall with the rain
Amdist this turmoil there was this sudden calm
When you caught my teardrop in your palm
thought this in the middle of the night... and saved into onto an sms... i was lost and lonely and had been shivering... suddenly i felt warm... there are always signs to show you that you are never alone!
Began to push it through my brain
I tried not to let it part
But it began to fall with the rain
Amdist this turmoil there was this sudden calm
When you caught my teardrop in your palm
thought this in the middle of the night... and saved into onto an sms... i was lost and lonely and had been shivering... suddenly i felt warm... there are always signs to show you that you are never alone!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Show Me The Way
When life seems very tough and all dreams seem too distant to achieve... I need you to hold me close... you dont have to say it'll be ok if you dont think it will... you dont have to come up with consoling words to make me feel better... I just need you to share the silence with me... and walk beside me while I take the next step... Can you?
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Last Day On Earth
There comes a time in everyone's life when you realize that life is so unpredictable. A few ago this thought came into my mind - What if today was my last day on earth? What if I were to die? Would it make a difference to anybody? Have I touched anyone's life that deeply?
There are so many dreams I have... so many things I want to do... so if I don't get to live my dreams... should I consider my life to be incomplete?
I have had a nice life... its surprising that I am saying that today... usually I always want something more... but I'm looking at life from a different perspective now. I have the most wonderful family - Papa - who pampered me in every way that he could, Ma - who gave me the best of everything... she's the strongest person I've known, Eesh - who fought with me like every kid bro does... and has his own way of showing me that he loves me.
I've had the best friends anyone could ever ask for... and more importantly... we grew up together... but never grew out of each other!
I have had those instances that every girl wants - first crush... first love (and then many more)... the first (and only) guy I asked out (and was turned down by)... people who have taken care of me... people who have let me care for them... everyone person in my life has taught me something... and if I were to die... I will be taking these lessons of life with me!
Yes... I do have dreams... there are many things I still have to do... but if I were to die today... I would die happy... and I will not want the people around me to be sad! I know its every parents nightmare to lose their child... and they will always question - Why her? Why not me? I know every brother/sister is going to think about everytime they fought and wish they had said "I love you" more often... I know every boyfriend will be devastated if he were to lose his girfriend... but life has to go on... and I would have loved him eternally... and losing a friend is probably the worst of all... coz every relationship begins with friendship...
I dont wanna sound too philosophical... but I do believe that death is the celebration of life... and I would want everyone whose life I have touched to celebrate with me!
A little note for the people of my life - there are a few things I would like to say... incase this unpredictable life decides to end for me... I'm sorry for all the pain and hurt I have caused... Thank you for all the memories you have given me - both good and bad - coz they have taught me to appreciate life... and I Love You - I may not say it enough - but I Love You - and always will!
There are so many dreams I have... so many things I want to do... so if I don't get to live my dreams... should I consider my life to be incomplete?
I have had a nice life... its surprising that I am saying that today... usually I always want something more... but I'm looking at life from a different perspective now. I have the most wonderful family - Papa - who pampered me in every way that he could, Ma - who gave me the best of everything... she's the strongest person I've known, Eesh - who fought with me like every kid bro does... and has his own way of showing me that he loves me.
I've had the best friends anyone could ever ask for... and more importantly... we grew up together... but never grew out of each other!
I have had those instances that every girl wants - first crush... first love (and then many more)... the first (and only) guy I asked out (and was turned down by)... people who have taken care of me... people who have let me care for them... everyone person in my life has taught me something... and if I were to die... I will be taking these lessons of life with me!
Yes... I do have dreams... there are many things I still have to do... but if I were to die today... I would die happy... and I will not want the people around me to be sad! I know its every parents nightmare to lose their child... and they will always question - Why her? Why not me? I know every brother/sister is going to think about everytime they fought and wish they had said "I love you" more often... I know every boyfriend will be devastated if he were to lose his girfriend... but life has to go on... and I would have loved him eternally... and losing a friend is probably the worst of all... coz every relationship begins with friendship...
I dont wanna sound too philosophical... but I do believe that death is the celebration of life... and I would want everyone whose life I have touched to celebrate with me!
A little note for the people of my life - there are a few things I would like to say... incase this unpredictable life decides to end for me... I'm sorry for all the pain and hurt I have caused... Thank you for all the memories you have given me - both good and bad - coz they have taught me to appreciate life... and I Love You - I may not say it enough - but I Love You - and always will!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Bangalore City
For those who know me... they know how much I love this place... Spinn... TGIF... basketball... jeweler's street... Bangalore has been home for longer than I can remember!
And those who really know me... they know how apprehansive I am about finally living here!
Can a person feel two totally contrasting emotions at the same time? Can you love and hate the same person? Can you laugh and cry? (no... i'm not talking about khushi ke aasoon!)
I thoroughly enjoy my work... come back home at the end of the day with this satisfaction of finally taking a step towards my dreams... at the same time... every road I travel upon takes me back in time... I am 7 again... and I miss the Bangalore I knew so well... cycling on the empty roads of the Air Force Station at Yelahanka... carefree days with friends who have just disappeared from my life... like almost everything else from that time!
I still am not sure if I can survive the memories... but I am not going back so soon... although i dont believe in myself as much as I did a few years back... I have faith in those who believe in me! I'll be ok!
And those who really know me... they know how apprehansive I am about finally living here!
Can a person feel two totally contrasting emotions at the same time? Can you love and hate the same person? Can you laugh and cry? (no... i'm not talking about khushi ke aasoon!)
I thoroughly enjoy my work... come back home at the end of the day with this satisfaction of finally taking a step towards my dreams... at the same time... every road I travel upon takes me back in time... I am 7 again... and I miss the Bangalore I knew so well... cycling on the empty roads of the Air Force Station at Yelahanka... carefree days with friends who have just disappeared from my life... like almost everything else from that time!
I still am not sure if I can survive the memories... but I am not going back so soon... although i dont believe in myself as much as I did a few years back... I have faith in those who believe in me! I'll be ok!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Where do dreams come from?
Its quite normal for me to wake up in the middle of the night (after just about a couple of hours of sleep) and find my brain working overtime! No matter what time of the day it is... the first thing I try to recall as I wake up is... what did I dream about? Had read it somewhere that if you try to recall your dreams first thing in the morning... the chances of you remembering them are higher!
This morning when I woke up (ok... I'm not talking about right now... its still midnight in my sleep cycle... or rather early evening... I'm talking about getting up at 3pm on the 22nd of September)... I had a big smile on my face till I remembered my dream. I had had some ghastly nightmare about snakes... and those who know me know that I'm shit scared of them...(Ophiophobia... GRE vocab did help somewhere!) Now I know where that dream came from... Lately every damn channel has been playing the trailer of "Snakes on a Plane" and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to miss seeing it... Now that is some tv which should come with a warning!
But its not these dreams that are a puzzle to me right now... I have figured out that most of my nightmares (as well as the good dreams) come out of stuff that I have read over the past few days... or discussed with pepole... or seen on tv! Nah... I'm talking about the dreams and the aspirations... the goals of my life.. where did they come from?
I have a big meeting tomorrow and I know one of the first questions is going to be "What are your future plans? Why do you want to do product design?" I'm trying to figure out a good answer... (I need it for my SOP too!) So i thought... well... lets try to find out where it all started? When did I decide that I wanna do Product Design? After a lot of sleepless nights I have narrowed that down to sometime while I was doing my practical training at Delhi! "Wow! Was the place so good?" Actually... I hate to say this... but it was what I did not learn at the office that taught me what I wanted... and it was what I did there that made me realise that this is not the kind of life I wanna lead... (No offence to JRA here... I did some top notch work which are going to be the key slides of my portfolio!) The next question is most obviously going to be - "Why did you do architecture then?" I remember the juror who came to grade us on our practical training telling me that I had wasted a seat in the college... and that someone who really wanted to do architecture could have been studying there instead of me! I was quite upset then... it lasted for a couple of days after which I said "Bullshit! Design is design and I deserve to be here!"
But we are digressing here... I was supposed to be writing about my dreams... and these are just paths to achieving it... I know "architecture just happened"... there was no guiding light or highlighted letters telling me that this is what I want to do... But a person cannot live without a purpose for very long... (well.. atleast I cannot!)... So somewhere along the line I had to sit down and actually think about what I wanted to do in life... I had done journalism for 45 days before shifting to architecture... Media fascinated me... but so did architecture and products... Now what do these things have in common? Why do I like them? What attracted me to them? Yes.. there is creativity involved on all three... but more than that... its about communication... be it written or visual... people use these to express themselves... and what do I want to do? I want to design these statements! This design could be for a person, a company or even a country... but I want every design of mine to reflect the experience and express the dreams! And that is what I want to learn... "Where do dreams come from?"
This morning when I woke up (ok... I'm not talking about right now... its still midnight in my sleep cycle... or rather early evening... I'm talking about getting up at 3pm on the 22nd of September)... I had a big smile on my face till I remembered my dream. I had had some ghastly nightmare about snakes... and those who know me know that I'm shit scared of them...(Ophiophobia... GRE vocab did help somewhere!) Now I know where that dream came from... Lately every damn channel has been playing the trailer of "Snakes on a Plane" and no matter how hard I try I can't seem to miss seeing it... Now that is some tv which should come with a warning!
But its not these dreams that are a puzzle to me right now... I have figured out that most of my nightmares (as well as the good dreams) come out of stuff that I have read over the past few days... or discussed with pepole... or seen on tv! Nah... I'm talking about the dreams and the aspirations... the goals of my life.. where did they come from?
I have a big meeting tomorrow and I know one of the first questions is going to be "What are your future plans? Why do you want to do product design?" I'm trying to figure out a good answer... (I need it for my SOP too!) So i thought... well... lets try to find out where it all started? When did I decide that I wanna do Product Design? After a lot of sleepless nights I have narrowed that down to sometime while I was doing my practical training at Delhi! "Wow! Was the place so good?" Actually... I hate to say this... but it was what I did not learn at the office that taught me what I wanted... and it was what I did there that made me realise that this is not the kind of life I wanna lead... (No offence to JRA here... I did some top notch work which are going to be the key slides of my portfolio!) The next question is most obviously going to be - "Why did you do architecture then?" I remember the juror who came to grade us on our practical training telling me that I had wasted a seat in the college... and that someone who really wanted to do architecture could have been studying there instead of me! I was quite upset then... it lasted for a couple of days after which I said "Bullshit! Design is design and I deserve to be here!"
But we are digressing here... I was supposed to be writing about my dreams... and these are just paths to achieving it... I know "architecture just happened"... there was no guiding light or highlighted letters telling me that this is what I want to do... But a person cannot live without a purpose for very long... (well.. atleast I cannot!)... So somewhere along the line I had to sit down and actually think about what I wanted to do in life... I had done journalism for 45 days before shifting to architecture... Media fascinated me... but so did architecture and products... Now what do these things have in common? Why do I like them? What attracted me to them? Yes.. there is creativity involved on all three... but more than that... its about communication... be it written or visual... people use these to express themselves... and what do I want to do? I want to design these statements! This design could be for a person, a company or even a country... but I want every design of mine to reflect the experience and express the dreams! And that is what I want to learn... "Where do dreams come from?"
Saturday, September 02, 2006
it's not love but it's an awful lot like it
There is something about these romantic movies that just make you wanna hug someone... :)
I just watched A LOT LIKE LOVE. Now, the first thing that I had read about it was that its rip off of "When Harry Met Sally". I am a big time Meg Ryan fan... the affair started with "Addicted to Love" which I remember watching as a thirteen year old! Ten years down the line... I still cry through "Sleepless in Seattle". Daisies are my favorite flowers and I wanted a copy of "A Moveable Feast" after watching "City of Angels".
Anyways... I just had to see this movie today... but I must admit... I thought it would be another one of those boring cheesy romantic movies which leave no footprint in your heart. I was wrong! The tag-line itself has given me a lot to think about! it goes like... "There's nothing better than a great romance... to ruin a perfectly good friendship." It'll take me sometime to figure that one out... coz there have been a couple of friends who became a lot more than just friends... and now are not only ex-boyfriends but ex-friends too... So now I'm kinda skeptical about making the first move when it comes to friends... "Strike One"!!!
Anyways... the one dialogue that I really liked... and one that is gonna stay with me for a long time is... "Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love."
Will leave it at that for now! Dont wanna sound stupid! :)
I just watched A LOT LIKE LOVE. Now, the first thing that I had read about it was that its rip off of "When Harry Met Sally". I am a big time Meg Ryan fan... the affair started with "Addicted to Love" which I remember watching as a thirteen year old! Ten years down the line... I still cry through "Sleepless in Seattle". Daisies are my favorite flowers and I wanted a copy of "A Moveable Feast" after watching "City of Angels".
Anyways... I just had to see this movie today... but I must admit... I thought it would be another one of those boring cheesy romantic movies which leave no footprint in your heart. I was wrong! The tag-line itself has given me a lot to think about! it goes like... "There's nothing better than a great romance... to ruin a perfectly good friendship." It'll take me sometime to figure that one out... coz there have been a couple of friends who became a lot more than just friends... and now are not only ex-boyfriends but ex-friends too... So now I'm kinda skeptical about making the first move when it comes to friends... "Strike One"!!!
Anyways... the one dialogue that I really liked... and one that is gonna stay with me for a long time is... "Honestly, if you're not willing to sound stupid you don't deserve to be in love."
Will leave it at that for now! Dont wanna sound stupid! :)
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I'm scared!
I'm scared... of being in love!
I'm scared... of losing you!
I'm scared... of smiling!
I'm scared... of being sad!
I'm scared... of being ALONE!
I'm scared... of losing you!
I'm scared... of smiling!
I'm scared... of being sad!
I'm scared... of being ALONE!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Friday, July 07, 2006
FREE SPIRIT...
i often think of who i am... but never get a clear answer... i guess everyday i am a different person... so when you think you know me... ask yourself... how long have you known me? have many times have you seen me change?
a friend once called me a FREE SPIRIT... and i think he got the closest to knowing the real me... he told me to remember DREAMS... that i would not stop living because of someone who does not understands or cares about me... he taught me not to be afraid of change... "things change", he said, "you are a bird.., a free spirit! no cage is good for you... you belong up there... i've seen it and i know... its what you are... you are RADHIKA.. and i know who you are... and where you belong... dont let any obstacle stop u... i know nothing can stop you... but i have to say for the sake of it... letting go things is the strength... things will come, pieces will fall in its own place... all you need to do is to believe in yourself... you are the best... and would always be... i trust you.. and i say cause i care!"
what he wrote was only to be read and understood, only to be remembered and not to be kept... but i'm glad i saved it... beacause today things are changing... he is going away... i know he will always be there for me... looking out for me... but for the times that i am lost... i will have his words with me!
today i have someone special in my life... someone who is getting to know me... and when i talk to him... i teach him all that i was once taught... because we are all free... free to define our own lives... to go for our dreams... to believe in something that no one else understands... but every now and then... we need a friend's reassurance... not someone who will tell you how to do things... but someone who will stand by you quietly... and be a part of your dream.
a friend once called me a FREE SPIRIT... and i think he got the closest to knowing the real me... he told me to remember DREAMS... that i would not stop living because of someone who does not understands or cares about me... he taught me not to be afraid of change... "things change", he said, "you are a bird.., a free spirit! no cage is good for you... you belong up there... i've seen it and i know... its what you are... you are RADHIKA.. and i know who you are... and where you belong... dont let any obstacle stop u... i know nothing can stop you... but i have to say for the sake of it... letting go things is the strength... things will come, pieces will fall in its own place... all you need to do is to believe in yourself... you are the best... and would always be... i trust you.. and i say cause i care!"
what he wrote was only to be read and understood, only to be remembered and not to be kept... but i'm glad i saved it... beacause today things are changing... he is going away... i know he will always be there for me... looking out for me... but for the times that i am lost... i will have his words with me!
today i have someone special in my life... someone who is getting to know me... and when i talk to him... i teach him all that i was once taught... because we are all free... free to define our own lives... to go for our dreams... to believe in something that no one else understands... but every now and then... we need a friend's reassurance... not someone who will tell you how to do things... but someone who will stand by you quietly... and be a part of your dream.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours."
-- Ayn Rand, "Atlas Shrugged"
-- Ayn Rand, "Atlas Shrugged"
Sunday, July 02, 2006
"Invictus" - William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishment the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Everyday i tell myself... today i'm gonna write something... something that means something to someone... something that when YOU read... you will think... i have been there...
i want to describe what i feel... but then i realised... i cannot recognize what i feel most of the times... how will i pen it down?
i want to describe what i feel... but then i realised... i cannot recognize what i feel most of the times... how will i pen it down?
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
CIGARETTE
"I like to think of fire held in a man's hand. Fire, a dangerous force, tamed at his fingertips. I often wonder about the hours when a man sits alone, watching the smoke of a cigarette, thinking. I wonder what great things have come from such hours. When a man thinks, there is a spot of fire alive in his mind--and it is proper that he should have the burning point of a cigarette as his one expression."
-Atlas Shrugged
-Atlas Shrugged
Friday, April 14, 2006
WHO AM I?
i'm the ray
i'm the light
i'm the day
i'm the night
i'm the moon
i'm the star
i'm a boon...
the best by far!
i'm the sky
i'm the sea
i'm the lie
i'm the key
i'm the dove
i'm the feat
i'm the love
in your heartbeat!
i'm the game
i'm the goal
i'm the same
i'm the soul
i'm the dare
i'm the tricks
i'm a prayer
on your lips!
i'm the illusion
i'm the power
i'm the question
i'm the answer
i'm the fire
i'm the strive
i'm a desire
that keeps you alive!
i'm the life
i'm the death
i'm the knife
i'm the breathe
i'm the cure
i'm the sighs
i'm a tear
in your eyes!
i'm the pride
i'm the sloth
i'm the bribe
i'm the wrath
i'm the lust
i'm the greed
i'm a must
in your need!
i'm the hate
i'm the fright
i'm the faith
i'm the sight
i'm the history
i'm the resolve
i'm a mystery
yet to solve!
i'm the light
i'm the day
i'm the night
i'm the moon
i'm the star
i'm a boon...
the best by far!
i'm the sky
i'm the sea
i'm the lie
i'm the key
i'm the dove
i'm the feat
i'm the love
in your heartbeat!
i'm the game
i'm the goal
i'm the same
i'm the soul
i'm the dare
i'm the tricks
i'm a prayer
on your lips!
i'm the illusion
i'm the power
i'm the question
i'm the answer
i'm the fire
i'm the strive
i'm a desire
that keeps you alive!
i'm the life
i'm the death
i'm the knife
i'm the breathe
i'm the cure
i'm the sighs
i'm a tear
in your eyes!
i'm the pride
i'm the sloth
i'm the bribe
i'm the wrath
i'm the lust
i'm the greed
i'm a must
in your need!
i'm the hate
i'm the fright
i'm the faith
i'm the sight
i'm the history
i'm the resolve
i'm a mystery
yet to solve!
Confusions!!!
If there were only two choices in life... right or wrong... life would have been so much more simple!!!
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